Pornography, Guilt, and Marriage Part 4 of 5

During the next year, Tom fell once, that is, returned to his old ways - and that only momentarily. He then wrote his story for publication. Five years later, Tom re-read his original article in preparation for a follow-up story. The extent of Tom's spiritual and emotional healing is captured in his extraordinary words, "I had forgotten how completely sex had dominated my life."  Christ was true to His promise (see part 3)..

Removing Guilt

One of the positive aspects of Tom's story is that despite all his years of inner turmoil, he didn't try to redefine morality in order to remove his guilt. (I give Tom a lot of credit in this regard, says Marriage Counseling Estero FL).  Marriages have dissolved because men, caught up in obsessions like Tom's, have utterly lost their moral compass. Boundaries of what is considered right are enlarged.  Boundaries of what is considered wrong are pushed further away. Con­sequently, behavior that was once considered wrong no longer produces guilt. This thinking is commonplace today.  Changes in the law regarding the definition of marriage, for example, makes what was once considered immoral and illegal, legal and acceptable.

The larger point is, when we stand condemned, we are all prone to question the standard that judges us guilty. Yet as ironic as it may seem, says Marriage Counseling Bonita Springs FL, weaken­ing the standards of right and wrong only diminishes our chances for recovery. As has been said, the greatest of all faults is to be conscious of none.

The fact is, virtually all of us experience twinges of guilt and shame because of the improper activities we engage in, whatever form they may take.  (This is part of being human notes Marriage Counseling Cape Coral FL).  But there is no shame in admitting that the activity is wrong and that the moral standard is right. Better immoral behavior with guilt than immorality without it. For without guilt, there can be no return to morality.

Learning from Tom

For Tom, the turning point came when his sense of right and wrong and self-condemnation were the strongest. He knew that what he was engaged in was wrong and it left him miserable. His sense of morality shouted to him that there was a better way. Ultimately, it drove him in des­peration to beseech the mercy of God with an urgency he never had before. Yet in that private process of confession and divine grace, moral standards for human conduct were reinforced and became the goal.

continued in part 5

Are you looking for a cutting edge alternative to traditional marriage counseling?  With a PhD in Conflict Analysis and Resolution, Dr. Ken Newberger can help you as a couple.  See his website at MarraigeCounselingAlt.com.  From his Estero FL office, he serves couples from Marco Island FL to Punta Gorda, from Napels FL to Cape Coral, from Bonita Springs to Fort Myers.  Call him today to make an appt at 239-689-4266.