Pornography, Guilt, and Marriage Part 3 of 5

Steve's response was totally unanticipated.  After Tom finished his story, Steve broke out in an uncontrollable sob.  When he finally recovered, Tom learned that his friend was not crying for him, but for himself.  Steve was where Tom had been five years earlier and had taken lust to its logical conclusion.  Tom reveals, “I will not dwell on sordid details, but my friend had tried it all... He reached inside his vest pocket and pulled out a pad of paper showing the prescriptions he took to fight the venereal disease and... infections he had picked up along the way... I worried about cognitive dissonance; he brooded on suicide.  I read about deviance; he performed it.  I winced at subtle fissures in my marriage; he was in divorce litigation.”

Tom was shocked but recog­nized that his friend ended up where his own obsession would likely lead him.  Fear gripped him.  (In this case, this is a very healthy fear notes Marriage Counseling Fort Myers FL),  Tom desperately wanted out of the downward spiral.

The Turning Point

Shortly thereafter, Tom did two things. First, he read a book by Francois Mauriac. Mauriac, a Christian and Nobel prize winner from France, wrote about the depths of human depravity as well as personal purity. As a conse­quence, Tom was motivated anew to humbly approach God in prayer acknowledging his weakness and the need for His strength to break the vicious cycle that held him. Mauriac reminded his readers of the words of Christ, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. " Tom asked himself, "could He [God] substitute another thirst and another hunger for the one I had never filled?" He was willing to find out. (Marriage Counseling Esterol FL says this was a good move.  The spiritual component is all too often left out of the counseling process).

Tom did something else. One night at home, he confessed to his wife the hidden detours of his life.  (This is huge exclaims Marriage Counseling Naples FL.  The way to break the power of a secret is to disclose it to others).  Recalling that long conversation, Tom related, “Somehow, she in­carnated the grace of God for me.”  Susan forgave him for the years of her own silent suffering, for the relationship that never fully developed, for the rejection she felt at his need to go else­where. But from that point for­ward, Tom would openly share with Susan every temptation he encountered. His sex life which for so long was experienced in isolation would no longer remain a private matter.

continued in part 4

With a PhD in Conflict Analysis and Resolution, Dr. Ken Newberger can help you resolve conflict in your marriage and foster reconciliation.  Call him at 239.689.4266 to directly discuss your marital situation with him.  Also, view the process he follows which is outlined on his website.  Go to this page: MarriageCounselingAlt.com/couples.htm.  If you live in Lee or Collier counties in Southwest Florida, his Estero FL office is an easy drive away.